Espresso

by sherfille

As I blog this, I would like to say it’s 3:01 am and my thoughts are bouncing off the walls. College is more stressful than I thought it would be but for now, I’m managing. However, in the midst of listening to the upbeat guitar song called Espresso by Govi, I suddenly want to jump out of my skin and do something. Anything. It’s when I realized there will always be things I want to do, no matter how outrageous. So this is my list, and you have been warned since some of these are a bit cliched. But, who doesn’t love a good cliche? Let’s get started:

• Fall in love, fall in love so badly that it’s hard to even breathe. The suffocating type of love that everyone wants, a love that’s timeless and is told in stories to be the most purest and rarest. I want that type of love, I want that type of connection. I want to find my other half – is that so bad?
• Dance. Dance in public, dance to any song, dance at anytime – just dance. It’s hard to express my feelings and my frustrations, but it’s harder to let loose. My body doesn’t relax, it curls itself inwardly. I’ve become a turtle – I never get out of my shell, especially when it comes to something that looks simple and feels so free; I want to dance.
• Travel, go backpacking across the world or Europe or even the continental USA but I want to travel. I’m so envious of Youtubers that fly across the globe, seeing things I could only imagine. And as much as I love my family, I want to travel with my friends – it’d be a whole new experience entirely. I want to view the world in pieces, joining the parts together to create an overall picture. I want to see alleys, streets, gardens, fields, to see every nook and cranny in a place every invented. I want to tear a city apart, inside out.
• Play dress up. Wear clothes I would never even think of wearing – not matter how much skin they reveal or how old fashioned they are. I wanna try new styles of clothing without any restrictions stopping me – whether it be price, color, or size. I want to put on a random dress and leave, not even bothering to look at the mirror. I want to be that confident in myself and my appearance.
• Eat, eat any and every type of cuisine there is to offer. I want to try flavors that burn my tongue or that melt instantly. I want to eat until I pass out – I want to eat without anyone judging how much I eat and what I choose to consume. Forget salads, I want something filling. Something warm. Something cold. Something delicious. I want food, in any way possibly and served by anyone possibly.
• Dream, I want to dream something that engulfs me, making me want to stay asleep. I want dreams that tell stories or that include the people I know. I want dreams to explain things to me – what is my unconscious thinking? Do I like him, do I not like him? Is that dress supposed to be significant? What is she saying to me, why can’t I remember her face? What happened? Why did it happen? Dreams; I want to dream again, for it’s been awhile since I’ve had one.

… and it’s nearly 3:30 am now. Suppose I should stop yet the list could just keep going and going but sadly, none of these things will probably be fulfilled. We always want things we can’t have – isn’t that exactly what makes us human? According to realism, there’s always a constant battle of light and darkness within us but at this point, I’m not sure which side is taking over —

Goodnight, world ~